True Creativity

2004-08-25T12:09:00.000-04:00

I wrote this little ditty last night because I had nothing better to do. The notepad file I saved it as is titled "bitchfest".

"Retardation:
Boys are supposed to wear pants, but they have a dick and balls to get bunched up. Girls are supposed to wear skirts, but they have nothing. In the animal world, the male is the one that is decorated. How can a person oppose a certain group of people, when they could have been born into that group? Why do we bother with things like silent e's and a "gh" in "though"? Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity. People produce pollution, then breath and live in it. How can you say humans are superior, have you ever talked to an animal? No? Well then you're pretty fucking stupid if your "advanced" brain can't figure out their "simple" language. Censorship defeats it's own purpose, and what if censorship offends me? Congress has made unconstitutional laws respecting the Christian religion that say I can't buy alcohol on Sunday or go to store like any other normal day. The death penalty, (also a Christian law) only repeats the act it is punishing, so why if we steal do we not get our hands chopped off? I can memorize the right answers to standardized test questions just like everyone else, so why don't we all just get an A? People say that America's founding fathers had these Christian ideals, one being marriage is between men and women. Well, those same founding fathers also had slaves and wouldn't let women vote. How can I trust current ideas, when, in the past, ideas like the world being flat and the sun went around the earth were accepted as truth, but were later proved wrong. When they were proved wrong, they were met with extreme opposition from the same Christians that oppose gay marriage, abortion, and stem cell research today."

2004-07-31T00:57:00.001-04:00

Here are a bunch of poems and pieces I've made. I just needed to put them in digital format incase anyone wanted to see them that way. I don't claim any of it to be good. They may be fragmented, and likely not finished.

untitled

A rumble in the distance triggers adrenaline to be released
a thunderstorm is coming and I'm soon to be deceased

My head fills with visions of failure
I'm dead according to the decisions of a stranger

Hate makes me irate, pondering your fate
My brain is a crate, filled with debate
a redneck's fate is in defense of the state

untitled 2

vampire thirst
for my blood of life
tearing away - the useless flesh of my temple
feeding off my very thoughts
I put my very soul on the edge
and you nudged it off
falling eternally
forever reaching up - for your hand of salvation

strap down my will
shape it to your liking
never again shall I have my fill
ever hungry and striving

the tremor of my love can be felt in the air

untitled 3

waste of flesh
what did I do wrong
I gave you more than love
and in return I get my mutilated heart
how can I continue without your divine inspiration
I'll be better off dead
my tears will rain on the molten rock
and it's steam will suffocate me

untitled 4

running now, free of weight
of depression, and self hate
masturbate till I explode
waves of pleasure like a strobe

untitled 5

Run soon away, I cannot hide
Choose not to stay, I don't arrive

untitled 6

my mental perception
needs no reflection
concentration erodes
observation explodes

cognizant of your judgement

untitled 7

Hollow tear ducts cry emotion
I sweat confidence
Dehydration kicks in and I can't go on
Starving for enough fear to jumpstart my body
and get away from

untitled 8

Fright! Fear! Foes!
The enemy is upon us!
Bar up your doors
And close your shutters
Hoping, at best, that you'll survive

An enemy with no form
Walking freely in your thoughts
At dusk, when hope is lost
It can escape and leave you free

But for how long?
Eventually it'll find you
And you'll again be enslaved

From light to dark
I take the pain
Guns and swords don't kill it
Nor do drugs or alcohol

Eventually you'll grow tired
And want to give up
The constant pain becomes hard to live with
So you decide on your final solution

Lying down you look out the window
and you notice it's raining
Your inner elbow burns
but suddenly you feel complete ecstasy
and the world is drowned out

untitled 9

Death by your touch
I'm thinking too much
I'm hating and debating still

Seeing violence
And the silence
chips away at my will

not again will i live
even take love or give
i swallow multiples pill

never knowing where i'll end up
if i'll make it big or bound up
resting i cease to be
no further hope for me

the answer lies in the earth
not nirvana or a virgin birth
just death and nothing more

we don't have souls
so it all just goes
used over and over like a whore

impermanence
inside my body
consciousness
inside my mind
existence
inside nothing

untitled 10

enveloped with hate
my body's debate
ends up confused
and slightly amused

inclined to sink
no time to think
spirit extinguished
body relinquished

fate is free
choice is nigh
live immortally
until you die

There's also one on http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=chaoticendorphins

That's all for now

2004-07-30T22:49:00.000-04:00

Due to recent events in the media, I feel the need to rant.

Let us take a look at gay marriage. It's a rather open and shut case. I quote the 1st Amendment of the Constitution of the U. S.:
"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press"
Looks like congress is trying to pass a law that says marriage is between and man and woman, which is respecting the Christian religion! You FOOLS!

Let's also check out the FCC a moment. Ohp, they are "abridging the freedom of speech" when they censor things on televsion. HA HA STUPID FUCKERS!

Oh man, I hate America. Yes, that's right echleon and the patriot act! Let's give em a few more suspicious words so that they can stake me out and listen to my phone conversations and read my emails. terrorist. osama bin laden. al-qaeda. pop music. Oh sorry bout that last one, but it's still evil. They need to add justin timberlake to their suspishy list.

FUCK YOU AMERICAN GOVERNMENT! FUCK YOU With the freest of speech this Divided States of Embarassment allows me have!

Anyhow, aside from my raging dislike of the US, I have found myself a new interest! Jhonen Vasquez, thanks to Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. *kisses him on the forehead* For those who don't know, it's a comic book. Not your average hero saves girl fights bad guy comic. This is an exceptional, intelligent, funny comic. Read it. Jhonen Vasquez also did Invader Zim, which I never watched before, but it's hilarious! Gir, of course, is great.

Anyhoo I have 150 dinero of dad cash to spend on erhem clothes. I actually will tho because there's so much cool specialty stuff I want to get. Kilt, perhaps? I definately want to get a green tunic and white tights. I have lists of stuff I want. I may fill you in if I get any extra time.

Aloha

2004-07-09T23:50:00.000-04:00

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Low
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	Moderate
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

You Are Sam From "Benny & Joon."

You are very talented at physical comedy. People are in awe of your abilities. However, you have many quirks which can either win people over or completely annoy them. But you're a sweetheart through and through, and it's hard not to love you.

Take The Johnny Depp Quiz!

2004-07-09T01:09:00.000-04:00

Which Grunge Band Are You?

I AM 78% GRUNGE!

I need to go take a bath, man! And I might wanna toss that shirt of mine in the wash? Any grungier and I would be mistaken for mildew, dude.

Take the GRUNGE test at Fuali.com

Why do you cry?
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I'm a shy, sensitive punk rocker, the most artistic of them all. I'm Kurt Cobain!
Click here to find out which Nirvana grunge rocker you are!

You are Vizzini. You are an intellectual
phillosopher who makes Plato and Socretes look
like morons. Perhaps you are over confident in
your brain power, or perhaps you should never
underestimate a man in black. You always have
a plan and people turn to you for ideas on how
to make money.

Which character from The Princess Bride are you? (with pics)
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My #1 result for the SelectSmart.com selector, Which "Princess Bride" character are you?, is Fezzik

I am Kung Fu Master.

I like to be in control of myself. I dislike crowds, especially crowds containing people trying to kill me. Even though I always win, I prefer to avoid fights if possible. What Video Game Character Are You?

Which Pirates of the Caribbean character are you?

Which Trainspotting Character Are You?

My #1 result for the SelectSmart.com selector, Lord of the Rings Selector: The Original, is Peregrin Took (Pippin)

You are Magic Mushrooms!

You don't mind taking a little mind trip - even if it leaves you with a ripped up stomach.

You're keen on sitting back and checking out the visuals. Or talking with your cat.

And you're up for the orgasmic powers of shrooms, as soon as your lover stops looking like an alien.

What Drug Are You?

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Your Inner Sex Gender: Woman

For you, sex is the best possible emotional connection. It's all about making your head spin.

You think twice about having sex with a stranger, unless you think romance is in the air.

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This doesn't mean you aren't kinky... just that you choose your kinks rather carefully.

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Take the What High School
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You're Jack! "I am the Pumpkin King!" and
yes you are. Although you have the fame and
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find yourself but in cost of Christmas. In the
end everything is peachy keen and we still love
you.

Which Nightmare Before Christmas Character are you?
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2004-06-28T06:05:00.000-04:00

Gday mates and top of the mornin' to ya! I am pleased to announce a revolution in human living.

Friday night I met this great girl on the internet named Jordan. She's very nice and is truly a beautiful woman, though a little shy. She got offline around midnight, and afterward I don't remember what I did until 2, when I hit the sack.

After staying up late many nights, often until 4-6 in the morning, I woke up Saturday at around three o'clock in the afternoon. I watched the last hour or so of The Princess Bride, which is now officially one of my favorite movies. I'd seen it before in 6th grade and enjoyed it, but I'd pretty much forgot about it 'till that day. After this, I watched this movie called "Hollow Man" with Kevin Bacon, one of my favorite actors (Tremors). That movie had some really great visual effects. Like when the gorilla was strapped down to the table, and they injected it with the serum, it turned invisible very slowly, yknow first taking away the hair, then the skin, at which point you could see the entire muscle structure, and so on until invisibility. It looked fabulous for not being real. Then when they injected it with stuff to make it not invisible, you could see the serum working its way through the entire blood system, through all the arteries and veins, and slowly making everything from the inside to out appear again. There was a few other cool effects like when Kevin Bacon was invisible and water hit him, or he had a towel around him, et cetera. It was a really neat movie but I don't think I'll see it again. Flipping through the channels I found the movie "Species" was on. I have officially fallen victim to the "sex sells" campaign. Basically this hot chick has alien DNA intertwined with human DNA, and she wants to breed. This movie was sorta cool with the hot girl, but it tended to drag on. My favorite character in it was part of the team who is sent to find this alien/human girl. He was a husky/little overweight black man wearing a white skull rasta cap, who had ESP and was extremely empathetic. He he one of my favorite supporting actors. He was in "Phenomenon", another film I like, in which he played John Travolta's best friend. After this movie I began to watch a TV movie called "Decoys" which had a pretty ingenious plot/idea. Mean, bad aliens disguised as hot chicks. I had personally pondered this idea before I had ever heard of this movie. I found the movie crappy for whatever reason and decided to get on the internet, mainly because I wanted to chat with this very pretty girl, Jordan. So I chat with her for a bit until around 12 or 1 when she got off. She has a webcam and so do I so we watch each other on that. In either today's or our previous conversation she said she loved my eyes, but then sort of retracted her statement. Unexplained, but I loved hearing that. Around this time I was instant messaged by Frenchie and Munky, my anonymity names for two great girls I know from my new school here in Grand Haven. They wanted to see my stomach lol. So I showed them with my webcam. They turned their's on and I was like "I showed you my stomach, I wanna see some skin!" So Munky sorta pulled down her shirt exposing a little of her chest (not hooage). I remember thinking "how inscredibly crappy" lol, but it was no big deal to me. In watching their webcam I noticed they were drinking (alcohol it turned out) and having just a good ol time and that made me sad that I didn't have friends I could do that with. Not drink, but still have fun and laugh. From here on their messages became erratic and nonsensical. Clearly I was only an accessory, so I let them do their own thing, closing out the webcam. From here I downloaded free, legal, music from http://www.epitonic.com and a few from http://www.machinaesupremacy.com/main.htm. Epitonic is kinda cool, the have lotsa sorta obscure/indie bands from all the different genres. You can download samples of songs, and if you like it, the entire song. Usually only 1 or 2 songs per album, but goddamn yknow, it's free. So I downloaded probly 8 or 9 so far that I like, and I plan to burn them to a CD to have some fresh music to listen to. Machine Supremacy is a metal band made of up people who like video games. They stake their claim as the first band to use a SID-chip (which is from some video game console) for (parts of)their music. Lol one song I download was called "Hyrbrid" and right in the beginning, you hear the voice of the Matrix's Agent smith's sctor as Lord Elrond from the Lord of the Rings say "Welcome to Rivendell" with next flowing seamlessy into a character change for Elrond's actor, to Agent Smith saying "Mr. Anderson". I thought that was funny, and great. "Welcome to Rivendell, Mr. Anderson." So wee anyway, sometime between 3 and 4 Munky IMs me asking about what I thought about her, and telling me about her boyfriend who sounds pretty crappy. She said that she had to stay awake because Frenchie was sleeping and was afraid someone was going to kill her. Frenchie's Munkys' best friend, so she did that for her which I thought was really cool of her. Originally I only knew Frenchie and she told me one of her friends thought I was cute. At the time, I was still dating my ex, so I knew I couldn't do anything at the moment. Frenchie introduced me to her friend Munky at school one day, and I went and hung out them between 5th and 6th hours. She wore a Johnny Depp Pirates of the Caribbean shirt CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow shirt, so I immediately knew she was cool. She also wore a Korn shirt, and a Marilyn Manson shirt so I thought that was cool too. She also dressed psuedo-gothic which makes her even more attractive. She's shorter than me and I think in the grade below me, and I thought she was sorta quasi-tomboyish which wasn't a bad thing. Through our shy conversations I picked up bits and pieces about her. She had a job which was admirable. Anyway, continuing about our recent conversation from around 4 AM to about 9 or 10 AM. She told me again how she thought I was hot, which I liked hearing. She asked me what I thought about her, and I think she is pretty. She told be about her crappy boyfriend who is apparently impatient and tends to lose control. He punched a wall about 5 inches from her head which enraged me, making me want to shoot him between the eyes. He doesn't care where she wants to go, so she always reluctantly follows him to the stores he likes. When they do sexual stuff, she will do anything to please him, and the opposite is true for Davis. He won't lick her orchid (my official new word for pussy lol). I said I'd lick her dry. I definately felt a connection there which was cool. We both agreed that if she became single we'd get together. I really would treat her great. Sounds dumb but it's kinda like we were meant for each other because we both want to please our partner by any means. "What does the future hold? The same old stories, told of old?" as I wrote once in a poem. Who knows? Love and hope are on my side. There was a "Danger Will Robinson!" that early morning but I can't go into details, for I promised. That turned out allright. Somehow we got into the subject of organized religion, which we both abhor. I'm glad to know she's smart and thinks for herself, that makes her even more attractive. After a little while tho, Munky got really tired. She had been up for more than 36 hours at that point. She said she set the alarm for 25 minutes, which was when she got picked up to go back home, and that was the last I heard from her.

After that, at right around 10 AM Sunday morning, Jordan got online, and I got to talk to and see her pretty face. Quite the sight for tired, sore eyes. Turned out she promised her friend Mitch she would go to church with him. She complained about how you have to dress up for church, and I was like "that's an outrage, go in pajamas!" I said I'd love to go in there with short shorts, a small shirt with "666" written on the back, and a swastika written on my forhead. If anyone asked, I would be a gay Satanist recommended there by a local hospital's Heroin Abuse Inpatient Program. She thought that was so funny and said something to the effect of "yeah you should." I faltered on whether on not I would actually do it. I asked where it was and when it started, at 11, and soon she had to go, for her ride had arrived. At this point, around 10:15, she was not sure if I was going. Within seconds of her getting offline, I decided I would do it. It might be an opportunity to learn something new, it would be a great social experiment, and I would get to meet this lovely girl! First I found out where this place was, got the address, and directions to it thanks to http://www.mapquest.com . So, I rush put on my small tie dye t-shirt, short black shorts (up to frikin crotch man), tucked in the shirt, and put on my black belt. I got together my CD's, CD player, bandanna, carmex, wallet in my back right pocket, and headed out the door. Put the carriables in my truck, and realized I had no swastika or mark of the beast. I ran inside and grabbed a permanent marker, ran back outside, hurriedly put a swastika on the back of my left hand, and 666 on my inner arm below my palm. Slapped on my bandanna, hooked up the CD played, put in Korn: Take a Look in the Mirror, started the truck and CD player, and I was off. Found my way there just fine, though the area had probly about 3 churches per single block. So I turn onto the street where the church is and immediately to my right there’s this frikin’ huge church with lotsa frikin’ people having an outside picnic type thing. My heart skipped a beat but I soon saw that this was the wrong church, and headed down the street a few blocks and wallah! This church was of decent size, more than I expected. I parked way in the back, not wanting the hassle of finding a “good spot” so I went and associated with the bad spots. They’re actually really good spots once you get to know them. I parked, turned off CD player, shut off the car, hid CDs from the sun, put on some carmex, took off my bandanna, fixed my hair (strangely…) rolled up the windows, locked it, and walked a distance to the entrance. Swarming with people, the place seemed pretty nice but getting queer glances makes your heartbeat increase. I had to remember, if anyone asks, I’m a gay Satanist recommended here by the local hospital’s heroin abuse inpatient treatment program. Walking through the front doors I look around the main room and see an entrance to the worship area to the left, and a long hallway down to my right. People fill the decent sized corridor, chatting to each other with smiles on their faces. After sifting through the crowd I decide Jordan is not in this room to I go to the worship room. Opening the door, on the other side there’s more doors but they are propped open. Immediately I notice this place is pretty damn big, larger than any church I’d previously been to. I would guess there were more than 350 people there. To my left was a media control center. The room is already 75 percent full and the loudspeakers and alive with speech from a man at the front of the room on stage. Continuing my desperate, shy search for Jordan, I do not see her. It’s at this point slight nervousness gave me amnesia as to what she looked like, but I had the basic idea, she’s an angel. I continue walking to the right about 30 paces from the door to the right most, back row of chairs, toward the wall a couple has already sat down. I sit on the aisle seat. Constantly I look for Jordan to no avail. I wonder, if I should get up, walk around and look. I decide against this, for the fear of feeling foolish is my greatest. Soon the service begins. There was a motley crue of individuals on the stage that they might call their band. There was a keyboard, flute, 4 string electric banjo, electric guitar and perhaps 1 or 2 others I forget. I think first the did a song and then talked briefly about how the bible says you have to submit to your leaders. Then they did a bunch of songs, which were mildly entertaining with the flute solos which I enjoyed. Oh, and a surprise, they sang about Jesus and God. I seriously thought about suggesting they try a few heavy metal songs. I was hoping I could somehow get on stage and ask where Jordan was sitting, but the opportunity never arose. After some dude came up, preached that god kicks ass, the said something like “Ok, now we’re going to hand out the tithe bags. Let us give our thanks to the lord. Give our money to lord to show our appreciation for him” Now I wanted to strange this man for abusing a religion in such a way as he did. He has distorted the idea of tithing. If someone wants to philanthropize their money, they’ll put it in the donation box, which they fuckin’ had right outside the worship room. You don’t say, “Give me money now.” That perturbed me. About here I think they did a buncha songs. After that a guy came onstage, probly mid-early 30’s, lighter blue shortsleeve dress shirt and light colored dress pants. He had a very happy disposition, and spoke very well. He gave a long presentation explaining passages from the bible concerning “submission”, specifically the controversy of a woman’s submission to the man in marriage. He said that submission does not mean you’re any less than your leader. Well I disagree, but wtf ever. That got old after a while, and especially when he busted out a plant and compared the plant with submission. At this point they may have done a few songs, but I don’t exactly remember. Soon the service was over and I left the room, stood in the room outside the worship room for a bit waiting for Jordan. I did not see her come out so after a few minutes I decides to wait right in the exit of the worship room. In walks Jordan, past me not knowing who I am, to the front seats, along with her friend and his mom. I watch her as she waits for her friend and mom to stop talking to people. A few minutes go by, and they come back down the aisle and exit. I sort of eye Jordan as she walks toward the exit, and she looks up at me, looks down, and does this several times while slowing down her walking. She was not sure if it was me or not lol. I finally say “Hi” and she smiles and waves but walks out the door, not sure what to do. I follow her with my eyes, taking a few steps to see where she’s going. She talks to her friend with a big smile and points back toward the room I’m still in, as I see this through a doorway. I walk toward her and her friend, and some other guy who are talking whilst I’m nervously drinking my water. I go up to them and say hi to Jordan and then sorta say hi to Mitch and the other guy. Omg and I fucking said “So you must be Joe?” to Mitch lol and he’s like “No, I’m Mitch.” I could shoot myself for that one, but I hadn’t slept for 21 hours. I think after that is when she said “I didn’t think you were gonna come” The other guy is cool. He had cool clothes, facial hair, long hair down to his back, and a brown leather… rasta cap I’ll call it, but that’s not what it was. Mitch tells other guy that I’m Jordan’s friend from school. Other guy introduces himself and puts out his hand and I shake it, he had a nice firm shake. I say “My name’s T. J., pleased ta meetcha” and he says “pleased to meet you too”. After that I am nervous and I’m wondering what the hell to say. I got to actually look at her it was wonderful, and I was absolutely enchanted by her eyes and face. Lovely blue eyes contrasted by medium dark pupils. I can’t seem to get that image out of my head. I stared at her for a few seconds at a time, and diverting my eyes away for a moment, only to quickly continue staring. She was just truly beautiful. She had on jeans, and a white longsleeve special shirt, which is hard to describe. It was held on at just beyond the outside of the shoulders, and from here it went across her chest. Really a neato shirt. Kinda sexy! I don’t remember what I said but it was retarded and I didn’t even say a lot. I only remember asking when she was leaving. She said that she had to call her mom, and she would pick them up. Soon after she said that, she left and called her mum. After a few minutes she returned. I may have said something, but I don’t know. Their little group decided to go to something and took off down the hall, and Jordan said something but I couldn’t hear, noise all around, plus she’s soft-spoken. My reaction time was delayed, for I wasn’t sure what to do. I decided to follow, and slowly walked down the hallway and turned the corner. They were at the other end of the hall coming toward me. I walked toward then a bit till we met up. Jordan said that this little kid, who was with them, was Kyle. I followed them, and they were walking toward the building’s exit, and I was like fuck. So we get outside and again Jordan said something, I assume about how they were leaving, and I said “Oh, so you’re leaving” and she was like yeah so I said somethin’ like “Allright, seeya later” and headed off toward my truck, turning my head to look back a few times to catch one more glimpse of this ravishing girl. From there, taking an alternate route from how I came, I just went home with Nirvana “Inscesticide” playing, with the anthem/highlight being “Molly’s Lips”. Got home, got online I think, Jordan wasn’t on, downloaded a few songs, and decided to lay down once it got around 3 o’clock. By then I hadn’t slept for 24 hours, my subliminal but conscious goal for it’s duration. Took my drying contacts out, took off my belt, and laid down, putting some blankets over me cause it’s cold in short shorts. I felt good, tired, but good. I thought about what I could do to stay awake longer, but in the end thought that I reached my goal so I should sleep.

Woke up while it was still light out, which surprised me. Must have cycled a single REM thing. Fell back asleep, and woke up and it was dark. Phased in and out of alertness/consciousness and finally got up right around 10 PM, Sunday. Jumped online, got some yummy cold pizza from the fridge, and grinded that. Jordan wasn’t on which disappointed me. Time passed into the early morning of Monday, and a recent/older internet friend who I hadn’t talked to in a while, and who I had taken off my list, IMed me. I vaguely remembered her. I remembered her yahoo ID, and later I saw her profile in which she had a picture and her name, Berta, and I remembered those. Her profile says she’s 14 but I’m not sure bout that I’ll have to ask her. Anyway we talked for a while until she had to get off around 3:30 (AM) She was gonna call me but we never made it final and she didn’t. She lives in the thumb of Michigan and we talked about how we were horny and how I think she’s hot. She showed me a bunch of pictures of her and she is really good looking. I felt a bit of a connection with her, but she lives far away. We want to meet sometime to mess around, but it’s still up in the air. After that, I got right offline thinking she might call. I went in my room, messed around with my guitar. I have a little tune I made myself, it’s 8 strums, incorporating 3 different chords. My copyright is unprotected so I can’t say much more bout that. I have a poem I made recently, and some words from it fit the tune perfect, so I want to make that into a song, and possibly record, but yknow, probly just on the damn computer lol. I felt like reading. First I got some strawberry Pop-Tarts and some Mountain Dew Code Red and brought that into my room. I turned on my bedside light and looked at my books. I thought “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas” by Hunter S. Thompson was perfect because of the way I’ve been living my life recently. There was a bookmark in it… temptation arises… I wouldn’t have to read that! But I don’t remember what happened in the section?! So I threw the bookmark to the side and started over. Read that for probly about an hour, and starting thinking about pleasuring myself. I hadn’t done that in a while so I decided to. I thought about Berta. It was wonderful. Every time after I have an orgasm I think “Man will never know any good feeling better than this. This is the ultimate drug.” After I did, I lay paralyzed by the ecstasy for a few minutes, until I notice the cold seed which lay on me. I get up, turn on the light, clean it off, stay naked, lay stomach down, and resume reading Fear and Loathing. Comfortable stomach laying is reserved for women. Males have a sensitive fun package attached the their crotch with which they must adjust it so they don’t feel pain. Long as you don’t move you’re usually fine. So I read until they had just got to the Circus-Circus Casino, 50 pages or so into this book. This scene is my favorite from the movie adaptation of the novel. The movie follows very, very close to the book. Since the book isn’t long, the movie could afford to do that. Oftentimes Johnny Depp’s narration or dialogue follows exactly what is written in the book. I think Depp is perfect for the role he plays in the movie. I don’t think anyone else could have pulled it off. Truly a unique character of such requires a unique actor. Well, after reading I decide I don’t want to get bored with the book. I want to have fun! After all, the chapters are rather short, possibly intended for short reading sessions. So I got on the computer at around 6 AM, nobody on. Oh christ my ex IMs me. Short conversation. I don’t contribute much. After that I begin to download Machinae Supremacy music. Want the link? Suck my back, look for it yourself lol. I’ve been doing that since 6 AM. Soon after beginning to download the music, I realize my idea of writing down my weekend experience and thanks to sleep deprivation, I am doing so as I type. It’s about 9:50 AM as I type and I’ve probably been typing for more than 3 hours. 6 word pages. Most I’ve ever typed at a single setting. 24 hours without sleep and 6 pages of writing. I think that’s an accomplishment.

I have really enjoyed myself this past weekend and I hope to continue doing so. I hope you enjoyed reading about my experiences. This week I must continue my search for a job. This is my dharma.
If anyone happens to read this, let me know. My email address is still bfhuntermi@att.net .

Be.. excellent.. to each other. AND PARTY ON DUDES!
T. J. “insomniac" Trainor

2004-06-11T02:58:00.000-04:00

Since my last post ashleigh and I got back together and then she broke up with me again. That was several weeks ago. I now have a vehicle and a license. Now looking for a job. I've been listening to my new Pearl Jam and Korn CDs a lot and I really like Korn. I just have to get their "Life is Peachy" and "Untouchables" CDs. School is over. Hallelujah! I've been talking more to an old female friend who's in Ohio and we really like each other. We havent talked for several days tho for whatever reason. I've started to play my guitar more, and even sorta started a song. Since school ended I've been looking for a job, watching TV and playing video games all day. Namely Zelda, Oracle of Ages. Today I hooked up my Gamecube and played some Zelda Ocarina of Time, Super Smash Brothers, Super Mario Sunshine, and then Zelda Wink Waker. I Finally beat the tower of the gods, went n got my Master Sword and now I'm at the Forsaken Fortress. I forgot how to get to the top so I stopped playing around 1 (AM). I've been really wanting to "cosplay". Except I wouldn't be wearing the stuff as costumes I would be wearing them around like normal clothes. I want first and foremost to get a great, accurate Link costume made. The hard parts will be the sword/sheath, and shield. The tunic and tights should be no problem. For the boots, gloves, and hat it may be a little tough to find good ones. The only thing that won't be custom made or altered is the white tights. As for the sword, I can't legally carry a sword around, so I may leave that out. I was thinking as an alternative I could buy a cane that has a sword hidden inside it, but if I'm gonna be Link, I have to have his sword, or none at all. The shield, however, is definately carriable. It could be the back to a backpack. It could still be removed and used as a shield, but would somehow attach to the backpack. The other character I want to emulate is Strider, as a ranger, from the Lord of the Rings. For that all I would need his medieval pants/ shirt, jerkin, and a cloak. This cloak would also be carried with me as link incase of wind/rain/dust. Strider's sword I don't really care about since it's too damn expensive. But, I do want something else he had... his elven knife! It's a beatiful elvish dagger with a tengwar inscription on the blade. This would be about $160 so that probly won't happen. But hey, I can dream. That's all for now I guess. I'm getting sick of typing. Peace and love!

2004-03-19T19:11:00.000-05:00

I've had a relationship with a truly great person since the beginning of the year or so. We started going out on February ninth, and went a full month of being together. Then one of her friends told her he liked her, and apparently before she went out with me, she liked him. So she broke up with me on Monday I think. I saw the signs and foresaw our relationship's demise. But I didn't think it would happen, but it did. I was heart broken and cried, and still feel a bit empty inside. This guy she likes is like a sex fiend apparently, but she won't have sex. Now they're going out. You can imagine how I feel. I really loved her man, I would have frikin died for her. But, such is the way of life, never being fair. Alas, life goes on and finds a way. I just hope I can find a new reason for living soon...

I've been listening to this Pearl Jam song, "Black" from their album, "Ten" a lot lately. It illustrates well what I feel of late. It's like me talking. Here's the lyrics:

"Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay
Were laid spread out before me as her body once did
All five horizons revolved around her soul
As the earth to the sun
Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn
Ooh, and all I taught her was everything
Ooh, I know she gave me all that she wore
And now my bitter hands chafe beneath the clouds
Of what was everything
Oh, the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...
I take a walk outside
I'm surrounded by some kids at play
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear?
Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head
I'm spinning, oh, I'm spinning
How quick the sun can, drop away
And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass
Of what was everything
All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...
All the love gone bad turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all that I'll be...yeah...
Uh huh...uh huh...ooh...
I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star
In somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine?"

2004-01-29T15:28:00.000-05:00

2:55 i wrote this, i was offline. No school today btw.
Lauren always bitches at me about my voice when there's the slightest variation of tone. Well, I don't agree with half the crap she does so I guess I have good enough reason. Anyway, today I was getting groceries and brought in some that were in the backseat (the rest was in the trunk) and the naturally I closed the door cause I took the 1 or 2 bags. I came in and she's like, "Are those from the backseat?" and I'm like "yeah.." So she asks, "Did you shut the door?" I immediately thought this ludicrous and answered a "yeah" which would insinuate, "why wouldn't I have?" A few moments later I think I was changing over laundry and she comes up and asks something like "Were you being snotty?" but she didn't say those words, she tried to sound nice. By the way, she can't just ask a question. She has to explain it, and say the question at least 3 times and maybe in different variations. Like, "Were you trying to.. yknow, intentionally be mean? Cause I jus'.. yknow, don't like that. And so yeah I just wanted to know if you were trying to hurt me because we've talked about this before. So yeah, I jus' wanted to know." (of course she's a lot better at it than me and it lasts a little longer..) I naturally stay quiet until she's done rambling. Then I answered somethin like "well, I dunno. I thought it was kinda ludicrous. You ... have weird ways of doing things." Right there she flipped out and the first thing that could pop in her mind to try and piss me off or hurt me was "well I think you do weird things to, things i dont like. like you don't have a job and you dont work and yeah.." I'm said, "why do you always bitch at me about that?" and she's like "I dont bitch at you" I say, " Well.. you just did..." lol, so she says "No I don't! I haven't done that in ages!" lol Hmm let's see It's January 29, and I know she bitched at me in December. So after that in response to some statement she made about her flipping out or something, I said, "Well that's what jesus would have done." and she's like "Yeah! well.. we Christians do fall on our faces sometimes it even says that in the bible. Everybody makes mistakes." I was laughing in my head lol cause that's just asinine. She goes to church and always talks about god and how she is saved and is going to heaven. But she's such a fuckin bizzotch sometimes, goddamn! Why doesn't she practice what she preaches!? Anyway, after that, we shared a few statements over who started it lmao. She initially brought up "well you started this whole thing when you said 'you do weird things." and i'm like no i didn't! later i realized she fuckin started it because she got pissy over such a stupid thing. I ended the thing by walking back upstairs to my room saying "ok I started it" in a manner in which i still thought she started it lol. A couple minutes later I get to thinking, and I'm like "Dude, she never even offers a solution to my not driving and not working." so I thought I would go down there and ask her if she wanted to drive for a couple hours being kidding. Well she gets exited and says several things like "Yeah sure do ya wanna go in a little bit? anytime!" Lol, so i tell her I'm kidding and she says she's sorry she was mean cause she was mad about something else. So yeah we'll probly work out some kinda schedule. Anyhoo. Yeah dude lol. Another triumph for T. J. the anti-church-guy lol.

2004-01-11T12:53:00.000-05:00

I mentioned suicidal thoughts in my past entry. Well, here's a thing I entitled "ventage" written on

"the satanic jesus worshipper grows from a seed into a boy, faces the blinding, hellish light of puberty and adolesence, "grows up", then proceeds to instinctively rape children incessantly while putting gerbils up his ass. from time to time he'll snort some cocaine and kill the people who fucked with him in the past. the commonplace ideals are too much for his twisted brain so he is sent to jail where he shall rot a in a miserable, torturous cell for the rest of his life. By this time he's only in his twenties, and is given no chance to redeem himself. fairness is not something i'm accumsted to. God is gay. Abort Christ. Impeach God.

The Bohemian Vagabond's views and opinions shall never be recognized. They will forever suffer in mortal pain while the rest of the sheep are herded into their homes and old ideals. We martyr only live because of the will of instinctual hope. All others will forever be lost in the eternal questions of the universe. Be it living in answer, or in question, they will die off, just like the dinosaurs. Extinct from the universe. Hopefully some other alien civilization will never adopt the same faults humans have."

The first... "paragraph" is me commenting on how shitty America is. The second is a doctered up explanation of me, and my distaste for humans.

Lol, that's all for now, peace and love

2004-01-11T03:57:00.000-05:00

Due to my great mood today, in drastic contrast to a normal day, and the fact that it's 3:32 AM, I'm posting an entry.

Today was awesome. It began as a normal saturday, woke up around 9, fell asleep, got up around ten. I ate some breakfast, chilled for a while, and decided to clean my room since it was in a state of disarray. After I got done with that, I felt I deserved some TV and searched n searched, and finally fell upon the science channel. They had a couple awesome shows I watched, and they were just.. awesome. Apparently caterpillars can talk with ants. Machines can smell. Bees can tell time. Aside from the television, I also know that rats can be controlled by radio/remote. Also, I fully realized that it's possible to go back in time. There is a point at which you're going so fast, that time (in the outside world) stops, and past this point, you go back in time. I wrote in my real life "journal" before watching the tube for a couple hours, and proceeded to write some more in it while watching the shows. Humans are truly the most curious creatures in the world. Oh, and birds (probly) came from dinosaurs. The veloceraptor and a bird's bone structure and density is very very similar. Also! Dinosaurs crapped out eggs, and so do birds!

Guess what! I'm getting a kilt! Oh, I also have some.. erhem:butleg:erhem Nirvana CDs! They're super cool. I can only compare my mood to a manic-depressive's happy state. Earliar this week I contemplated death, and now I'm not so sure. But depression does suck ass. I should have a special kind of education, for I am handicapped and thus my grades have shown difference because of this. But I always try to do my best, so I've no regrets.

I found out what "Hurdy Gur" finally frikin' means. After how many years of being a fan of FreakyLinks!? It's a stringed instrument of all things! The US name is "Hurdy Gurdy." (Hurdy Gur, for those who don't remember, was what the "webmaster" of the late freakylinks.com. After his "Diary of a Madman" entries, he would always say "Hurdy Gur" followed by his name, "Derek "(he'd put something funny relating to the article here)" Barnes. This is the reason I used this same idea for some of my entries. I had always thought it was just some backwoods version of "goodbye" even though I did try to find it's origin once or twice.)

OK dude, I'm frikin tired. If I had the energy I'd have a little celebration in my pants, lol, but I'm whooped.

peace and love

2004-01-04T00:37:00.000-05:00

Whats up. I don't want to go back to school monday. It's so damn satanic. My newest thing is I want a kilt. Jonathan Davis's kilt re-ignited my want for a kilt. I downloaded Korn's freak on a leash video and i was like "holy shit i need a kilt ASAP!!". Sadly, it looks as if I'll have to buy it on my own since my Dad deems a kilt unecessary. Screw him. I'll have to buy the mutha. It'll be about... $125 for a "original" utilikilt. $145 for one w/out side cargo-like pockets. I want a sporran, but the original utilikilt has 2 big ol' pockets. I think I'll get a black original. Dude If I can I'll seriously order this tomorrow. Well.. later today, it's 12:28 AM Sunday. Hell yeah dude I'm pumped. Okay i'm gonna "shop around" even though utilikilts is probly the only cool one.
Peace and love

2003-12-10T21:46:00.000-05:00

Aiya mein amikos! Wow, I hadn't updated since before the beginning of school? I don't blame me. I've been busy with stuffs. Hmm... My Mom's letting me use her guitar indefinately. I had to get it restrung, I bought a tuner, and tablature from "Nirvana, Unlplugged in New York." Haven't played that in a couple weeks.

I wear eyeliner from time to time! I absolutely love it. It takes a while to get it how I like, but when I get it on, it looks great. I got punched in the head by this one kid at school, but I'm pretty sure he got suspended. FYI I didn't touch him... So yeah, eyeliner is awesome. Inspired by Mr. Depp's "Captain Jack Sparrow". My next step is gonna be to get some of the sorta ink kind. I forgot what it's called. I saw "The Crow" which everyone said I reminded them of. That was pretty cool.

Poetry! Riddles and such from Tolkien's work and Edgar Allen Poe are great poets. I rented Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas Monday, and I forgot how much it kicked ass! I love this movie. Speaking of Tim Burton, I also saw Edward Scissorhands which is also a great one. I've been thinking about, what if I got leg/arm lengthening cosmetic surgery? I think that would be so gnarly! I'd look just like the pumpkin king. Gangly ass arms and legs, hell yeah. Geez, christmas is coming up. I'm finally wising up and I'm asked for just money. I'm saving this money! I'll try my damndest not to spend it on some silly T. J.-mind-fad. I have to focus on what the hell I'm going to do after high school. For some reason I feel drawn to Washington (state). They've a multitude of my interests there. Bill Gates (compys!), Nintendo HQ, Kurt Cobain's home, sasquatch, and nature galore!

A few weeks back I was totally into boardgames. I still think they're awesome I just've nobody to play with. Ah yes, more recently I played Zelda a lot, until I got the the end of the Tower of the Gods dungeon. The Boss is a little tricky, and I gave up on that. I'll pick up on that again some other time.

I definately want to see The Last Samurai. And I'm anxiously awaiting Return of the King on the 17th! Perhaps I can persuade my Mom and/or Rob to go and see a movie this weekend.

Before "The Nightmare Before Christmas" on Monday, Sunday I watched "Xtreme Martial Arts" and that reignited my interest in Martial Arts. Desperately I futilly searched for a local martial arts dojo. Sadly, my parents probly wouldn't take me because they bitch about my not driving. I don't think I'll ever drive. My feet is my only carriage!

I guess that's all the recentish stuff. Oh, and I want a girlfriend. Ladies, I'm available! I like long walks on the beach, reading, and other... romantic stuff. For real tho man, I get so lonesome sometimes. Did you know an escort service can cost upwards of 300 dollars an hour? What a freakin ripoff! lol. Well that's all I have for now. Here's my feelings lately, expressed beautifully my Jack Skellington:

"Oh somewhere deep inside of these bones
An emptiness began to grow.
There’s something out there far from my home,
A longing that I’ve never known."

2003-12-08T21:19:00.000-05:00

"There are few who deny that at what I do I am the best,
For my talents are renowned far and wide.
When it comes to surprises in the moonlit night,
I excel without ever even trying.

With the slightest little effort of my ghost - like charms,
I have seen grown men give out a shriek.
With a wave of my hand and a well placed mould
I have swept the very bravest off their feet.

Yet year after year, it’s the same routine
And i grow so weary of the sound of screams,
And I, Jack, The Pumpkin King,
Have grown so tired of the same old thing.

Oh somewhere deep inside of these bones
An emptiness began to grow.
There’s something out there far from my home,
A longing that I’ve never known.

I’m the master of fright and a demon of light
And I’ll scare you right out of your pants.
To a guy in Kentucky, a Mr. Unlucky,
And I’m known throughout England and France

And since I am dead, I can take off my head
To recite Shakespearean quotations.
No animal nor man can scream like I can
With the fury of my recitations.

But who here, would ever understand
That the Pumpkin King with the skeleton grin
Would tire of his crown? If they only understood.
He’d give it all up if he only could...
Oh there’s an empty place in my bones
That calls out for something unknown.
The fame and praise come year after year
Does nothing for these empty tears."
-Jack The Pumpkin King, The Nightmare Before Christmas

Haven't updated in a while, I may update for real, sometime soon.

2003-08-20T23:40:00.000-04:00

ANOTHER BOUT OF TEENAGE ANGST brought to you by, T. J. Trainor:

God damnit! School fucking sucks! Already I am feeling the wrath of it's impending re-opening. Daily my mind grows more weary. Will I make it this year? I hope I do. Looking at Frodo and Sam's current state at my current place in RotK, my situation isn't jack. But still this is reality. I am seriously going to ask my Dad about Special Education. (intended for those who laugh >) YEAH FUCK YOU IGNORANT WHORE! I looked into it and I may have a shot at special education. One thing I did notice was that people enrolling in special ed are usually younger than I. But still, I read laws and shit and they said people with depression are legible for sp. ed. but Individual cases are always filtered through first. Who knows? All I really ask for is no homework. Future, don't fuck with me these next two years.

-T. J.

2003-08-13T00:05:00.000-04:00

School starts in less than two weeks. Bumbo-clot! Hmm, I'm getting along nicely in the Lord of the Rings. Right now I'm in Return of the King at chapter VIII, The Houses of Healing. Now I can't wait for the movie to come out in December! Plus, I still gotta see the Two Towers when it comes out on DVD at the end of this month.

Hmm, linguistic news! I read the first lesson for Quenya at Ardalambion.com a while ago and wrote down the pronounciation of the letters and such. Tomorrow I'll probly read the second lesson. Oh, by the way I'm now back at my Dad's in Bellevue. I'm still not sure if I want to make my own language. I made a set of 12 consonants, and the vowels e,i,o,u, long i, and long u. With this I was able to create some cool sounding words. But man, it's certainly different without using a's. I think this sound set has a future. We'll see. Oh, and I don't really have base languages with this one. I sort of just make up words that sound cool. I do have Orkish and Patois dictionaries handy tho, so I may use those.

New CDs! Nirvana, from the muddy banks of the wishkah. I haven't really listened to this one much, but still it's got live versions of drain you and teen spirit and others too. I got "Dane Cook: Harmful if Swallowed". Dane Cook is, of course, my favorite comedian. This came with a cd of one of his standup acts, and a DVD with his shows/appearances on Comedy Central. And I got a $3 reggae CD to see what it's like. Since then I've researched a bit into the Rastafarian culture and stuff and it's pretty cool. (hence the Patois dictionary)

I've also been trying to learn the Tengwar script. I got calligraphy pens and wrote my name in Quenya in Tengwar. It's Lotu Encaita Poldanér. Pretty cool! I also want to learn cirth and futhark. But with the approach of hell..er.. school, I'll have to pace myself.

Hmm... I wonder If I should even blog anymore. It's actually quite useless to me. You! Wanderer from afar! Let me know if you have read this! My email is:
bfhuntermi@att.net

Well, that's all for now.
peace, love, empathy!
-T. J.

2003-07-02T01:33:00.000-04:00

Dang dude it's been a while. I've been having too much fun being temporarily free from school. Gosh, my mind has gone through lots since my last entry. Hmm...

I got the two Disturbed CDs, and I like em both! You fucker get up, come on get down with the sickness!! Lol.. OH! I'm going to the Mall of America on Thursday. Well, I'll only really have one full day there, and two half days cause of crazy traveling. Anyhu...

I found a good quote from Gandhi, supporting my anti-american beliefs:
"Freedom is not worth having if it does not connote freedom to err."

I've also been sort of panicking, because I'm 18 in about 2 years. I have to figure out what the hell I'm gonna do! I do not, and probly will not, drive a fossil fuel driven vehicle. This presents a minor setback to me. I was thinking I could whore my body to science, and get paid to let them test drugs on me. Steve-O did it. He got a decent amount of money for it too. Hmm, I still have to investigate this more.

Lesee... holy man, just been doing lotsa research on stuff I wanna learn about. I've been reading the Lord of the Rings more frequently. I also played some games I've been procrastinating to play for a while. I finally got through a point in Metroid Fusion, and in Super Mario World. I'm still stuck at a certain spot in Zelda (port to GBA).

I got some sweet clothes from Goodwill and such stores this past weekend. A 70's big collar longsleeve shirt, and two very colorful long sleeves. I have also decided to grow my hair out to shoulder length, similar to Kurt Cobain. It'll take a while for it to grow, cause it's only like 2 or 3 inches long now, and that's just on top. I saw a "elven brooch" in a magazine and that looked cool. I might get that.

Oh, and having to do with after high school:
I envy the lifestyle of the ranger Strider, or Aragorn, in LOTR. He travels all over. I truly wish I could do that, and that is a possibility for my future lifestyle.

My money spending has also come to a screeching halt, as high school ends in 2 years. I will have to be careful at the Mall of America. I have a knack for spending money uselessly. Anything I but from now on has to last. At the mall, I would like to try to find some kind of jewelry that is just totally pleasing to my eyes.

I am getting tired. This is another bad habit I need to break. I need to sleep better.

Peace, love, empathy
T. J.

2003-06-05T21:17:00.000-04:00

Hey, tomorrow is my Independence Day! No mo' school! And it's gonna be a easy day cause it's just seminar and Spanish which are pretty much screw off classes. I'm doing better with my new medication, and I'm listening to Nirvana a lot. Now I want to grow my hair out long like Kurt Cobain's. In July I'm going to the Mall of America so that's gonna be fun. This weekend I'm going to my Mom's that's usually fun. Hmm, I'm gonna go work on my language. I'm gonna make the words first and the alphabet later.

It's still kinda sad to know I still have two more years left of school. I just gotta pull through man. The sad little unappreciative pisces, jesus man! Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!

Hurdy Gur,
T. J. "Doused in mud, soaked in bleach" Trainor

2003-05-23T01:01:00.000-04:00

I just thought of my other new stuffs.

Recently (today?) I heard about Kurt Cobain's supposed suicide note from a friend of mine. He said I could find it on the net, and I did! Through reading some info surrounding his death, I found out he had depression, seemingly since he was about 7. I think he died when he was like 27 or so... Anyhoo, I found it interesting to read someone's last words to the world. Some people think he was murdered tho. A friend of mine said LSD and acid can make you have really bad hallucinations after a lot of use of it. Since Cobain may have also died of a drug OD, then maybe he heard voices of satan or saw satan telling him to kill himself. Who knows. But clearly near the end of the letter he at least had thoughts of dying. The stuff my friend told me about LSD sounded really cool but as with all drugs there can be bad side effects. Fear, again, plays a role in my life. Fear, I've noticed, is used a lot. Government uses it, people use it in personal relationships, dogs growling to scare other animals, it's everywhere and used so often because beings don't enjoy experiancing pain.

I saw this word, nihilism, and it sounded pretty cool. Basically it's a theory that we're all just dust blowing in the wind. We have no real soul, apparently, according to this belief. But on the flipside, what if animals had souls? Have you ever talked to an animal? Exactly, we don't know. But my guess is, in nihilism, we're just biological manifestations who carry out their instructions. Aren't we? Do we really have a soul? I don't think humans will be able to prove this. As I've said before, humans are so fucking ignorant. I love it. Anything negative, or even positive, has ignorance of something behind it.

I've been re-considering causality because I saw Reloaded. It makes sense, but does it apply always? Perhaps causality only applie in this life, with this world's rules. Maybe in the next life, if there is one, we'll have totally different what we call "bodies". And we'll look back and say "Damn humans are stupid. Long, short... infinity is so much easier!"

I talked with a good friend of mine, a female by the way. We talked about eternity and she does not believe in it. I definately think it's possible, but where? Certainly not in this world. But this female friend, I like her. She is nice to me, and she is so fucking pretty. With tonight's example included, she has brains and can think abstractly and I admire that in people. Unlike other people, who accept the world as it is. The "problem" is she doesn't have the "love" type feeling toward me as I do toward her. I've asked her and told her I liked her, but she said she doesn't like me in that way. She thinks of me as a friend, and that's totally cool. I am just wondering if I should stop thinking of her as a possible future girlfriend. If I do, and in the future she begins to like me in a love sort of way, then my feelings will be gone. But, if I don't stop thinking of her in a "lovey" way, I could endup like the poor guys in the movies. The ones who love a girl, but she ends up with another guy. She likes a guy in another state, and I sympathize with that because I felt the same way toward a person in another state before. I just know people on the net cannot be trusted, so the guy she likes falls in that catagory. Right now my thinking is, let things work out. I also want to try to become just a friend with her. But I'd like to be one of her best friends too, because I like the way she thinks and acts. Another issue with her is that I am shy to talk in real life, but I'll gladly talk online. People wouldn't understand. She's so pretty, if I try to talk to her I become immobilized by her beauty. I sort of enter a state of nirvana when I see her, then my thoughts race "what if she talks to me this time? what if i do something stupid? what if, what if....".

Here is another issue with me: Sleep! My Dad and Stepmom want me to get into better sleeping habits. If it were my way, I would sleep when I got tired. 3 in the afternoon, or 3 in the morning, I've been tired at both times. My reason for not sleeping right: I want to have fun. Having fun helps calm my nerves of the day and plus is fuels my curiosity. If we didn't have school, kids would eventually want to learn about something, and they could go to come kind of library like in K-PAX. Kids could be taught to do what the want, and that people learn from their mistakes. Kids would also be taught, don't believe anything unless you find it true for yourself. God forbid we live in a utopia/ heaven...

Hurdy Gur
T. J. "'you humans...'" Trainor

2003-05-23T00:24:00.000-04:00

Interesting fact/s:
-If the whole world were vegetarian, there would be enough grain to feed 1 billion people. The current population is about 6 billion.
-Oh, and over 70% of grain in the USA is fed to livestock.

here is a transcription of some things i thought of and wrote down today:

"1. LSD has residual effects. In the future, after it is used, bad trips can reoccur.
Fossil fuel burning has residual effects. After it is used, it burns a hole in the ozone layer which causes more bad rays to get in, and more people get skin cancer.
Let’s see… they outlawed LSD but not automobiles… interesting.

2. Government, the idea of controlling people. They make pre-sorted lives. Lives where you don’t have to figure out how to get food, or build a house, or walk to the nearest town 10 miles away, instead of buying food, buying a house, and driving a car to the store. Within these pre-arranged things, people become dependent on them, thus making the government system successful.
Within this system, people become dependent. Once they are dependent, they stay with it. When pain occurs, they are so dependent on the system that they cannot escape it. The system employs such ideas/ phrases as “Always look at the good side of things” therefore making the people easier to control in a constant state of “happiness/euphoria” or “not doubting the system”. Happiness is deemed ultimately good by society, so the people cannot doubt the system.

3. “Predator/Prey” or “Co-Dependence” relationships: Happiness can’t exist without sadness, sadness can’t exist without happiness. In the same way, the coyote can’t exist without hunting and eating the rabbit. But, it can survive eating plants. So, if people stop killing everything, there won’t be as much/ any sadness, leaving mostly happiness, if not all happiness.

4. Some squirrels kill other animals for their calcium in their bones, not to eat the meat. They have to rip through the meat to get to the bone. Comparatively, perhaps other animals originally kill other animals not for meat, but for nutrients in the bones, or something else elsewhere in the body. Maybe humans evolved canine teeth to tear off meat to get to the bones. Notice we only have very few canines (compared to carnivores). Then, we somehow use our “conscious” minds and brains to either break or crush up the bones. Then we eat them, and since we have the most powerful acid in our stomach, we easily digest them."

So, that's pretty cool. Just thought I'd share that with all of you zero people who read this. I wanna know if people read this! It'll help me a bit in my writing to make it more humorous.

Hurdy Gur,
T. J. "euphorically negligent" Trainor

2003-05-15T17:15:00.000-04:00

Just got back from seeing "The Matrix Reloaded." It was so awesome! I thoroughly enjoyed it. For the sake of those who haven't seen it, I won't post comments on it for a while. And for you same people who haven't seen it, sit through the credits because after the credits, there is a preview for the final Matrix movie, "The Matrix Revolutions." I feel so lucky because I got to get out of school early to see it. First, my dad picked me up from school at like 10:40, to go to an orthodontic appointment. After that, we went to Big Boy, and right after that, went and saw The Matrix Reloaded. Another piece of advice: try and pee before you go into the movie, even if you don't have to. I, again, broke my rule for peeing during the movie. It was like 15 minutes into it and I had to piss like a madman. So I ran to the bathroom, wizzed, ran back without even washing my hands. That's right people, I sacrificed the cleanliness of my hands to see an extra minute of the Matrix. Oh, and I wore a trenchcoat to the theater, inspired by Neo and Morpheus.

What else is new? I'm looking into Buddhism, all I need now is to clean my room so I can create a spot to meditate. That will be done by the end of this weekend. I also am growing a bonsai tree and it hasn't sprouted yet. Well, I have to go.

Hurdy gur,
T. J. "Bullet Time" Trainor

2003-04-12T23:53:00.000-04:00

I didn't feel shitty today, and I think I found the reason. To quote "In Bloom" by Nirvana

"Weather changes moods"

It was so fuckin nice out today it was surreal. I just couldn't get over the super blue sky and the sun. The sun must have pumped me full of seretonin (sp?). It feels good not to be pissed at every thing you see. Today I read two books I got w/ birthday money, "The Complete Idiots Guide to World Religions" and "Get a Grip on Philosophy". I'm on about page 40 in the latter, and about 35 on the former. I read about Judaism and started on Christianity, though my stepmom's a Christian, I could learn something new. Judaism has a lot of rituals and basically life is one big ritual for the people. I don't really agree on this, I think you should be able to do what you wish, but still follow basic moral standards. Like, don't kill people, dont use violence in any way, have fun, etc. I'm really interested in Buddhism because of the bit I read in the beginning chapter of the book. But, it just had to be at the end of the damn thing so I'll have to be patient. I get tired when I read too it kinda sucks. I'm interested in the book very much, but I don't move and my body shuts down, so I have to move a lot. This book is pretty good so far, it tells the basics on religions. The philosophy book is great because it starts in the beginning, before philosophy and how people answered questions. Plus it's got a short and sweet kind of thing going.

What else... uhm I slept today and had steak, and I again thought of becoming a vegetarian. I dont know where to start. I read the religion book and the philosophy book. I got money from one of my aunts, 10 dollars so that's cool.

Oh! I went to Meijer and got some clothes and the new April Shonen Jump. I got this kick ass silk button up kinda shirt and another polyester shirt of the similar kind, and these one shorts. I didn't get the chance to read Shonen Jump, because I was too interested in the religion book. I like the Yu-Gi-Oh and my new favorite is Naruto. Naruto is where my language-world idea originated.

Tomorrow I'll probably go to my stepmom's church. They're having a potluck. I dunno if I have to go to the worship part of the thing, I'll try to avoid that. There's this one dude who apparently went to college for theology and I've asked him some questions before be he's a christian who's very skeptical of things. I want to find some other religion's place of worship, but I guess I'm in too small a area.

These people at my stepmom's church actually listen to their pastor when he says "There is no 'Allah, there is no "Buddha", etc." I think. I heard him on one of his tapes when he said that. I do not think these prejudace people are right. They claim to have tolerance of other religions, yet yell "THERE IS NO ALLAH" when in all reality, Allah is merely a word for god in Arabic, and all Arabic speaking Christians call god Allah. The reasons they don't say "God": Language barriers, and the same reason christians don't speak Aramaic,thelanguage Jesus spoke. I mean come on you fools, do a little investigating before you preach against other religions. Once you understand something, you won't be inclined to attack it. It is a fear of the unknown. People do know about other religions, and refute them because they are different. In all reality, there are many many commonalities in all the religions of the world. I read that God is the light that shines through a many faceted glass onto the world. Right now that seems like a good description. I really have little patience with people who are prejudace. They are so ignorant and errogant it's not even funny.

You humans. Sometimes it's hard to imagine how you've made it this far.

My new favorite quote:
"one may cast into the river a ton of thoughts and cling to an ounce of practice."

Hurdy Gur,
T. J. "philosophical religious mood" Trainor

2003-04-10T00:32:00.000-04:00

What's new... Spring Break is now. I wish I didn't actually have it. If we put this time into the summer break, the summer break would be that much longer! You humans...

Oh! My dad came back from the war thing in Iraq, I'm so happy. I missed him quite a bit.

My birthday is tomorrow (Thursday). I got my presents here, I had a hundred bucks to spend, and I got a new camera battery for my video camera, and the Bhagavad Gita according to Gandhi.

About two weeks ago the Gameboy Advance SP came out and so did Pokemon Ruby and Sapphire. I bought them both. The SP is the best, and Sapphire is also the best. I take 'em everywhere I go. Sapphire is really fun, and everyone should get this.

What else... I'm going to my Mom's tomorrow, on my B-day. I dont know if I told you but I have a Quran I got in the mail for free, it's pretty interesting.

I saw this awesome show on SciFi called... something i dont remember. But they scared the hell outta people and taped it. It was hilarious, these one people were in a camper, and they had this sasquatch kinda creature bang on the camper, and this one chick screamed so fuckin loud it was so funny. Check it out, SciFi channel on Fridays at 10, after tremors which is on at 9.

Well I gotta go,

Hurdy Gur,
T. J. "tired" Trainor

2003-03-28T17:20:00.000-05:00

Bah! School is so friggin stupid! I still can't believe I'm confined to such a useless place for 12 years of my life. I could be doing so much more. RRAGH! Fuck you, government!

Today was incredibly... dull. I didn't do anything in school lol. I wasn't assigned anything. I have work to do, but it's always too loud to work in class, so I played my gameboy. They switched the last hour and seminar because there was this gay volleyball thing goin on. I ended up going, this one girl was all like "c'mon T. J." and I followed her there and we talked a little and well I guess she into girls and guys lol. She treats all the guys she meets the same, with the nice smile and cute expression. I dont know whether she thinks highly of me, or if I'm another pawn in one of her games. She is really nice, but then again, she's nice to everyone. I have little lust for her, but there is some since she is a girl and I never talk to any girls very often.

What else... Oh I got the Legend of Zelda, the Wind Waker for the Gamecube. Haven't even started it, too much school stuff. I mean damn it's a constant weight on my shoulders. Fuck school, fuck it up it's stupid ass.

But yeah, Zelda, coolness. I almost dont want to start it because of the way I feel right now. I dont feel all that well, I think I'm depressed, even though I'm on prozac. When I try to do homework I freakin get so tired it's weird. I can do so much more than this lame school crap. AHHHH! Please someone, take me to live in an ashram in Tibet, where I can pray all day, eat, and sleep, and be happy. Or take me to someplace where there are no worries about anything, where I will do everything I want, and where everyone else is also as happy as I. I would give up all my possesions, money, clothes, everything to my name to go to such a place.

Hurdy Gur,
T. J. "hating school/ loving dreaming" Trainor

2003-03-19T21:38:00.000-05:00

Ok, yeah, uhm, nothin much. I've been tired the past two or three days in the afternoon. I dunno why. Hmm and I have been trying to work on my language/s but that's gettin tough. I sorta made a "world" for them, but it's really just a mountain region and a valley. At least I'll have fictional people to speak my languages! The valley people will probably speak Rakuli, and I've been toying with Arabic and Korean/Japanese for it's alphabet. Arabic has been turning out to be a pain in the ass because I wished for a flowing cursive language that was simple, for the simple peaceful valley people. I've named the valley people, as a group, Rakunim. The ending -nim will people like the -ese in Japanese and Chinese, I'll probly change this though. The Rakunim are a peaceful people, they don't believe in violence at all, and don't drink or do any drugs. They are really natural type of people. The People that live in the mountains though, are sort of a half breed of the Rakunim, they evolved a little differently, so they have different mouths. So, the mountain people have a very complicated, complex language. I haven't begun that language yet, for it will be very complicated, but I have some initial ideas. Anyhoo, the mountain people's language will kinda be like, they can say a single word, and it will mean an entire paragraph to us or the Rakunim. A plot idea I came up with was that the Rakunim can't speak the mountain language. But, some teenager kid actually somehow learns it, and goes to live with or infiltrates the mountain people. Then we learn that the mountain people are actually plotting a rebellion against the Rakunim. Another note, the mountain people are able to speak Rakunim, so the two "tribes" are able to communicate. From that, the Rakunim secretly devise a non-violent way to win against the mountain dudes. Sounds cool, I think. But, that's really short and I dunno what would happen after that. Oh! the two "tribes" could come to an agreement and make peace with each other, sharing each other's ways. Yeah! lol, I'll figure something out. I don't know what time it will be set, though I've been looking at feudal Japan, because the manga Naruto is really cool. I'd like a time because I dont want this to be on another world, I want it to at least seem remotely real/possible. Maybe in the future, after the world gets partly blown up? Or in a secret mountain range in China? Lake Tahoe would be great too, maybe a Lake Tahoe type area in the remote mountains in China? The possibilities are endless! And I wonder if this will be remotely interesting to anyone? Perhaps I could sell my idea as comics? I have been wanting to make a video game magazine, but there's lotsa legal issues. I can draw decently. Hmm there's other stuff I could do but I don't remember at the moment.

Well, I suppose that's it for today, It thought someone may want to read about my silly language.

Hurdy gur,
T. J. "hurtin' for ideas" Trainor

2003-03-18T22:28:00.000-05:00

Dis journal be dedicated to Courtney:
Courtney is the best! She has been and ever shall be my bestest friend! She's so nice and cool to me, she deserves the world. Plus she's incredibly hot. Hey Courtney, I'm madly in love with you and I want to have your baby! wait... you.. I want you to have my baby! LOL! So yeah I gotta check out your town sometime. Catch ya later!

Hurdy Gur,
T. J. "madly in love" Trainor

2003-02-16T22:41:00.000-05:00

Hello there people! Well out found out freakylinks was fake. That was a while ago. Anyhoo, what's new... hmm, I almost bought a camcorder today from Target, but it turns out it was just the display model. It was at a discount price but still, it didn't have anything come with it, not even a battery. Just the camera. So I didn't get it. I spose good things come to those who wait.

Last night I ended up talking to this dude from England, who shall remain nameless. He knows a bunch about theology or some stuff like that, he went to college for it. Anyhoo, he's a christian, and me being agnostic, we have differing views on stuff. For the record, I don't really like calling myself something, because people will think I am a certain way, you know. My belief is, it is possible god exists, but I doubt it. Society hears of a muslim, they think of Osama bin Laden. Society hears of a agnostic, they think they're atheist. Silly humans. Anyhoo, yeah, we had a great discussion and talked a long time. I believe the gist of it was... me learning about the bible's "Revelations" and me countering his questions. He still can't figure me out. Nobody will.

Just tonight I re-learned that I didn't have school Monday, so WOOHOO! Let the procrastinating begin!

Oh, my newest idea: everyone's like Hitler, they think they're right.

I just got done watching Phenomenon, with of course, John Travolta. I've seen it before, but I really enjoyed it. Go rent it!

Oh, I got sick on last Thursday night. Friday was crappy, I didn't go to school. I had a really sore throat in the beginning, but it's gone down since. Oh, and fuck cough drops you dont really need them. They make these little bumps on your tounge and mine are still there. Chloreseptic will do just fine.

It seems as if everything wrong with my body is in my head! Look, Eyes! I have to wear glasses otherwise I'm friggin blind. I've had trouble adjusting to new seasons, nose, eyes, mouth/throat gets dry then I get sick, so I have allergies. I have depression in my brain. I had/have not-perfect teeth, so I have braces. Ohp, hair too, I have funky hair, it's between wavey and curley. Well that's about it. lol, I just think it's weird all the bad shit has to be in one spot, and its the one spot I use the most!!

Well hmm... Conan O'brien is funny. Government sucks ass. I have no where to go where people will accept me as one of there own, people are stupid, the government doesn't even react to peace groups, what happened to the right to freely assemble, guess that doesn't matter any more, my Dad will probably be going to war in the coming week, and I will continue to keep on goin. I need to stand up when I am beat down. I will continue thinking what I think is right. Nobody can change the way I think. I have a dream! my man stated. So do I.

Aloha,
T. J. "Peacemaker" Trainor

2003-02-10T22:01:00.000-05:00

Well crikey I'm just not on the internet much anymore. It's this damn school thing you humans are so fond of forcing people into.

New stuffs and new stuffs galore! Hmm, well, I got cool stuff for christmas, a buncha Jackass DVDs, South Park DVDs, Metroid Prime, Zelda: A Link to the Past, Metroid Fusion, Super Mario World for the GBA, uhm, and a couple other things. Currently I'm playing Zelda and reading Lord of the Rings. Just this past weekend I bought a one-volume edition, which has all three "books" in one. The only thing I've seen about the Lord of the Rings was the movie, and I thought it was OK. This past weekend, I figured I'd have a lot of time on my hands if my Dad ends up going back to the middle east somewhere for the military. So I bought the sucker, it turns out there's a lot of language-ey type stuff in here. And you know how I like languages... Infact I made my own character set for the english language. It's kinda like a shorthand. Similar sounding letters have similar symbols, like d, t, and s are all made at the front-upper palate, near your top teeth. It was inspired by some common crop circle designs. A language I hope to make in the future is going to be comprised mainly of sounds, that you can create with your mouth of course. In the meantime I have to get up to speed on these "artificial" languages that people make on their own, that way I know how to actually make my own.

Oh, guess what! I started taking prozac. yoohoo! lol, Well, I think it fucks with your brain during the first few weeks when you get used to it cause I've had some really low times, to the point where I was crying, which is unusual. I've also been getting minor headaches, but just potent enough to disable me. I pulled through earliar today by resting then finishing my homework. This is another hard thing for me. Homework. What the hell?! Why do we have to do this mindless crap?! BAH!

Anyhoo, what else... oh, driving. I hate driving and I have to drive like 30 more hours in order to get a crappy license when I'm 16 in April. How am I gonna get through this? I'm beginning to think it is a fear. But I am afraid with good reason. Hmm, You're sitting in a couple ton hunk of steel hurling at 70 miles per hour down the highway... that's a little freaky to me. Plus I'll have to pay insurance, which is incredibly silly. Oh, and gas. The gas will really suck if we get started in a war.

Well, enough with shit I fuckin hate. What cool stuff has been goin on.... languages... vid games... ah, hacky sack! I love hacky sacking. I'm pretty good, and I've been doing it pretty regularly since probly... December last year or so? Who cares, either way it's great fun, and I love doing it with my friends. sipa sipa!

Oh my poor Brazilian friend Rafael... he never told his Mom he got a Gamecube and a bunch of games, and she found out, so he can't get anymore games. That means he can't get his Zelda: Wind Waker reserve bonus, a free disc with oot on it. Well, he could get the game in Brazil, no problem. But, since he can't get it here, I wont get the bonus game disc. Here I come to save the dayyy! I'm told him I would get him the extra game, somehow. I'll either con the cashier into giving me another free disc along with the one for me, or I'll just have to reserve another game. Regardless, I have to help a fellow gamer out, and get him that free disc.

The paranormal side of me is laying somewhat dorment, though I wouldn't mind getting back into that state of mind. I love lookin around for sasquatches and aliens, lol. Especially with my friend Josh, who loves 'squatch huntin' with me. Last year we went on a trip just for that, last spring break infact. We froze our asses off, but it was fun.

I look at the length of my ramblings and I will draw today's session to a close, and It's also getting late. This is another issue, sleep. I think getting good sleep helps you function 80 percent better during the next day. But I get caught up in doing something fun like tryin' to beat a dungeon in Zelda or watching TV or reading The Lord of the Rings. I heard somewhere that most teens don't really get tired until around 11 PM, and that their bodies really only wake up at around 10 AM. Hmm, why the hell do we start school so early (8 AM at my school.) The earliar you start school, the earliar you gotta wake up. I usually wake up anytime between 6 and 7. I usually set the alarm for 6:30, which is a good time for any school day. If my Dad takes me to school, at 7:40, cool, or if I have to take the bus, at 7:30, that's a good time. It varies from night to night. Sometimes I'll be so mad and depressed I'll just listen to Eminem till about midnight, that's when I try to set the alarm a little later. But the ideal time for me to go to bed is 10 PM. Though I do rarely get into bed that early. Usually, I get to bed around 11. On 11 nights, I get just enough sleep.

Well, I reckon that'll be all for today (lol, I've been watching the Waltons a lot too.) (and Conan O'Brien) (and the Pet Psychic)

Bah! ALOHA!
T. J. "Insomniac" Trainor

2002-12-23T22:34:00.000-05:00

Hey freakers! YO!!! I need frikin info on Freakylinks! Where does Derek Barnes live? Can I use your site name?

Freakylinks fever is upon me, and I can't get rid of it. Please anyone, I need freaky-info!

Hurdy Gur
T. J. "Lookin for freakylinks" Trainor

2002-11-16T22:50:00.000-05:00

Calling all Freakers! Anyone remember the website Freakylinks? Or even the show. If you loved this site, email me. I'm looking for investigators all over the world. I might start my own Freakylinks kinda site, so I'll need a lotta help!

I absolutely loved Freaklylinks! Derek Barnes was so cool! But then somehow it all ended very mysteriously. I have no clue what happened. Please anyone with any info or if you like it, my e-mail is:

bfhuntermi@att.net

Hurdy Gur,
T. J. "Resurrection" Trainor

2002-10-24T22:12:00.000-04:00

Oh my goodness has is been two months since I last blogged? I guess that's what school does to you.

Well I've switched from being fascinated with K-PAX to Andy Kaufman. My friends recognize this obsession, I can go for months wondering about him and laughing at his performances. Also I have lotsa Yu-Gi-Oh cards now. But, I'm also researching Magic: The Gathering, and I hope to learn how to play that. I know how to play as far as the 7th Edition Starter box shows, but that's it. I found 2 people at school who have been into Magic for a while and know the ins and outs and hopefully they'll have the patience to help me.

Hmm, oh, Halloween... My Dad found a lady who makes custom stuff. You see, I want to make a Yugi outfit (not a costume) that I would wear for Halloween, and also just as clothes for a regular day. I would like to have the vest thing, the collar-up type trench coat thing, and even the pants. I'll probly have to find the shoes. The cost is that I have to buy all the material, and I also have to pay her 15 dollars every hour she works on it. I still need to talk with her and find out how accurate we can get this sucker.

I want to get every Andy Kaufman thing I can get my hands on! Maybe I could save that for Christmas, along with the Yu-Gi-Oh cards, the Magic cards, Metroid Prime, Yoshi's Island (Super Mario Advance 3), Yu-Gi-Oh Dark Duel Stories, Egyptian books, linguistics books, a Sony Vaio picturebook, a million dollars, a DeLorean............

"There's no way to describe what I do. It's just me." - Andy Kaufman

2002-08-21T11:45:00.000-04:00

Top of the mornin' yo ya! This past Sunday I got the book "K-PAX" and it's very similar to the movie, even though it came out before the movie. It's still really good though. I want to get some Egyptian history/ hieroglyph books because I want to learn how to write using hieroglyphics. Maybe there's some stuff online?

Other than that, school starts this coming up Monday, the 26th. yoohoo 9. 9

“At what age did you begin school?”
“There are no schools on K-PAX”
“I’m not surprised. But you are obviously an educated person.”
“I am not a ‘person.’ I am a being. All K-PAXians are educated. But education does not come from schools. Education stems from the desire to learn. With that, you don’t need schools. Without it, all the schools in the UNIVERSE are useless.”

2002-08-18T00:39:00.000-04:00

I have a dream, that this world can be a much better place. It wouldn't be too hard to do, we would just have to figure out a way to let the planet work. The only thing that stops this... is people's ignorance, basically. I dunno, I can't think of words right now.

I just saw K-PAX. Everyone in the world needs to see this movie. This has become one of my favorite movies. There are other intelligent life forms somewhere, I know it. It would be so narrow-minded to not know that. I just have to have some philosophy time to sort things out.

Please break out of your everyday lives and think, people. I think the first step is learning to believe the unbelieveable. Like life on other planets, believing that anything is possible.

2002-08-07T00:14:00.000-04:00

Dane Cook. Period. HE IS THE FUNNIEST MAN ALIVE!!! Keep a look out on Comedy Central for him on shows like Comedy Central Presents and Comics Come Home.

This past weekend, two aunts and one aunt's husband, totalling 3 people, came to my Dad's house from Wisconsin. That was fun but since they smoked we were outside like ALL the time. So I have a crapload of mosquito bites on my legs.

I bought The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages for the Game Boy Color on Saturday or Sunday. I haven't started it yet, I might start tonight. Hey, there's a plan! Stay up 'till like 3 playin my Game Boy Color.... hmm....

Anyhoo, I've been looking more and more into Yu-Gi-Oh and it looks like it's going to be a great card game in the future. Right now they dont have everything that they have out in Japan in America yet. Oh and what also sucks is that we don't get the Kid's WB channel on regular TV here, so I want to see if we can order it on Satellite.

This weekend we're probly going to go see one or two movies (I'm at my Mom's now). I want to see Signs, with Mel Gibson. I also think Master of Disguises looks funny, with Dana Carvey. Turtle Turtle...

I also got school supply stuff... the only thing that sucks is the folders I got dont fit in the zipper binder thing i got. And the paper I got was the spiral notebook kind. I think the loose kind would fit better in this. Oh I got this BADASS "Space Pen" it's chrome and it's only about 3 or 4 inches long. Looks like something the Men in Black would use... Anyhoo you gotta get one, they sell them at Staples in the pen section. They write as soon as it touches the paper. It's just great.

Oh I got these 2 cool Yu-Gi-Oh folders too, 2 Pokemon folders, and 1 car that looks sweet folder. The zipper binder is like shiny leather and it's got these hide-away handles, it's really cool. The only problem is that it's a bit too small for the folders and paper I got. MY plan is to rip out the freakin huge 3 rings and try to somehow put littler rings in this. I'll find out whenever we go school stuff shoppin' here.

And I'm dreading going back to hell on earth... er pardon me, school. I FUCKING HATE SCHOOL! If I had the choice, I'd rather die than go to school. Let's hope the force will be with me when I do go back.

It's time to DU DU DU DU DU DUEL!

2002-08-01T00:25:00.000-04:00

Crikey mate it's August already. I would really like to know what fucking happened to my summer. lol

God dude, school starts on the 26th isn't that the gayest thing ever? The only thing that helps inspire me to want to go is i get the coolest school supply stuff. I think it's neat when people are like "Dude that's a badass pen, where'd you get it?". So yeah, I gotta ask my parents about FINALLY ordering from Nintendo Power (magazine). They always have sweet shit.

Today I was also inspired by lookin' in boxes that were packed up (my moved here like 5 months ago). It's so cool to look back on my intense Pokemon days. There's stuff from 6th to like 8th grade. Badass man.

I also got this flashy thing and drove this golf cart around yesterday. The flash is gonna be put in my neuralyzer, whenever I get one... The golf cart was fun... but the only bad thing was that I could run faster than it. That's ok though it was still fun, I went out on the road too, even though that was probably illegal lol.

Oh and I absolutely cannot wait to see the movie "Signs" with Mel Gibson. I think it's gonna be really good for some reason. Lower your expectations T. J. ... you'll be even more pleased.

Well I gotta go, until we meet again...

2002-07-29T22:46:00.000-04:00

The Prodigal Alarm Clock

This mornin' I woke up earliar (7:00 AM) than normal cause I had to go to the Secretary of State and apply for my level 1 drivers license. You see, we went today, Monday, cause I was told that you should apply as soon as you can. Anyhoo, my Mom had a doctor's appointment this morning too. So I had to look around in Meijer's for about an hour. After that, my Mom picked me up and we went to the Secretary of State. Well they asked for my Mom's driver's license for a ID or whatever, and guess... she didn't have the damn thing. lol, so that kinda pissed me off. What pissed me off even more was that when we went home to get my Mom's license, she said that she had stuff to do, so we couldn't go back. I was tired. I had to wake up early for this. So instead of bring all pissed and mad and stuff, I decided to take a nap. 2 hours later, I was feelin' better.

So it turned out that was able to go back to the Secretary of State with my stepdad, and apply. Now I've got this learners permit and stuff. Oh and there's more crap I gotta do in the future in order to get my real driver's license when I'm 18. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

After all that waiting shit, I went and rented the Tomb Raider movie. I didn't really like this one. The only thing that made this movie worthwhile for anyone was the attractive star of it. Had it been someone else... it woulda taken a fall. I mean come on, the father, the artifact, the broken up thing with pieces all over the earth. Can you say, Luke, I am your father? And freakin Indiana Jones? They tried to use the Hero with a Thousand Faces, but it didn't work.
(Please note that "The Hero With a Thousand Faces is a book telling about mythology. The mythological story can be compared very closely with most of the greatest movies. Star Wars, The Matrix, The Lord of the Rings (I haven't seen this), several other movies have the same, very basic, storyline... or blueprints, if you will. Make a search on this book and you'll get a basic rundown, and how it compares with a few movies.)

Anyway, I watched Men in Black today, again, on VHS though this time. There's are many cosmological differences in all the DVDs! I was surprised at the differences. In a preview, they showed about a Close Encounters Special Edition. They showed when the 2 or 3 UFO's flew overhead. Apparently, in the VHS, they don't have bright lights concealing them. On the DVD you can't even make an outline of them. And when watching Men in Black... well just trust me.

Now I'm online and I wanna play some Yahoo games... I just got introduced to them and it's a good idea.

The camera zooms out the window from his computer desk, showing his house.
The camera continues zooming out showing his city, then state, then the US, then the earth.
Now it's zooming past the planets, going outward, now it shows the galaxy. Zooming out even further shows the entire Galaxy. A giant cloud swirl, with billions of stars making it all shine bright. Then the camera zooms out from the universe, you see a outer shell. Then it zooms further to reveal the universe inside a spherical ball. The ball bounces, showing that it is used in a game similar to marbles. It hits another marble out of a circle, it looks to be another universe-ball, and you see and translucent alien hand, with 3 slender fingers and similar arm, collect the marble-universeves and drop them in a bag. The camera zooms into the bag and the screen turns black.
-The end scene of Men in Black

2002-07-28T01:42:00.000-04:00

It's been about 3 or 4 days since I wrote somethin. There's not really too much goin' on.

Today I watched the croc hunter a lot. And I also watched Me, Myself, and Irene. (Please note: When I "watch" a movie, I have seen it before. When I "see" a movie, it's for the first time. But I watch T. V. regardless if I've seen it or not)

Oh and check out this song. It kicks ass ... it sounds really good but I dunno about what reading it is like. I got the lyrics from some random searched site. Sorry unknown site, no credit for you. HA HA! Anyhoo it's by this band called "Westlife" and I got it off one of my Pokemon Movie Soundtracks

Flying Without Wings

Everybody's looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You'll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be

Some find it in the face of their children
Some find it in their lover's eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

Some find it sharing every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You'll find it in the words of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry

You'll find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much it means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

So, impossible as it may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
Cos who's to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete

Well, for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sunrise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
In any given time or place

It's little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine
And it's like flying without wings
Cos you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings

And you're the place my life begins
You'll be where it ends
I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy you bring
I'm flying without wings

2002-07-24T23:15:00.000-04:00

Today I had a good time. I drove my last times for drivers ed. I basically had to drive to a place the instructor told me, without help. Easy peasy, cause that place was my Dad's work, lol.

Hmm not a lot really happened I watched the rented Men in Black DVD disc 1, which has the movie, and I turned the commentary on. So that was kinda cool. After dinner I drove, just along highways it was quite simple.

Finally after that I put in Good Will Hunting, which is another DVD I rented. You know what? From now on, assume everything I rent is a DVD unless I say different. Anyhoo I think this movie was good. Not like the best or anything but OK. I just rented it cause it had a story about a smart person. (If you'll notice I am trying to find something to do with my life that I can put my skills to use.)

"I've watched the stars fall silent, from your eyes
All the sights that I have seen
I can't believe that I believed I wished that you could see
There's a new planet in the solar system
there is nothin' up my sleeve"

"In all this talk of time
Talk is fine
But I don´t want to stay around
Why can´t we pantomime, just close our eyes
And sleep sweet dreams
Me and you with wings on our feet"
-REM, The Great Beyond

2002-07-23T14:57:00.000-04:00

Yesterday (Monday) I didn't do a lot. I just drove to this orthodontic appointment. Oh I watched Jaws all the way through finally. A pretty kick ass movie for it's time. I rented the DVD version so I saw extra stuff. I didn't know they had such a hard time making it! And they didn't even think people would like it. But I guess it beat out all the other movies with like money and stuff.

Oh and last night I also looked for Egypt and Pyramid info. and also like ancient monuments like stone henge, stuff like that. Did you know this about Giza? :

"- We know from geometry that there is a universal relationship between the diameter of a circle and its circumference. Consider this: The height of the Pyramid's apex is 5,812.98 inches, and each side is 9,131 inches from corner to corner (in a straight line). If the circumference of the Pyramid is divided by twice its height (the diameter of a circle is twice the radius), the result is 3.14159, which just happens to be pi. Incredibly, this calculation is accurate to six digits. So the Pyramid is a square circle, and thus pi was designed into it 4,600 years ago. Pi is demonstrated many times throughout the Pyramid."
taken from http://home.flash.net/~manniac/pyramid.htm

Pretty freakin sweet if I say so myself. And here's another cool place to check out:
http://www.pyramidmatrix.com/index.htm

That site talks about how ancient monuments and they're measurements, location, etc. tell their latitude and longitude. Just read a bit of it. Especially the Nazca lines section of the site.

Well again nothing to do today. I am going to make a master favorite movie list. I'll also make another list for my movie-deprived friend in Indiana. You know who you are, lol.

Oh and I came up with a revolutionary idea... I can't tell anyone 'cause if I do, they might make money off of my idea. I have to see if it's already been thought of first.

So I guess... hmm ... what would be a good quote to end this mid-day entry...

"What is real? How do you define real? If you are talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what you can taste and see, then real is simply electrical signals interperted by your brain."
-Morpheous, The Matrix

2002-07-21T22:43:00.000-04:00

Another kick ass day in the life of T. J. Now today, I was lucky enough to go see Men in Black II, which exceeded my expectations. OK it was sweet. The second one was really funny and there was a lot more... "adult" humor, if you will. I mean christ, Ballchinians? lmao! Well if you haven't seen this, go freakin' see it. Yes, even if you have a date with a lovely female Zogarthian. (not real alien, btw, I made that up... maybe it was in the movie and it sunk into my subconscious... who cares)

Oh before that I played my new Sonic GC game for like 2 hours.

Allrighty then, after I saw MIB 2, went to Mom's, screwed around, packed, and went back to my Dad's. Upon arrival I thoroughly screwed around for approximately 30 minutes. After the formentioned (lol is that a word??) I proceeded to the vehicle in my driveway and drove for my drivers ed. miles. I actually did quite well despite my injury. Oh, and my arms are doing better. I can move them a lot more than in the beginning.

OK, after that, I pulled out my ol' MIB (the first one) tape (yes, VHS... limited recreation funds) and watched that. Now before I saw MIB 2 today, I didn't recollect the sweetness of the MIB idea. Now I remember the coolness of it. If you know me, I now wish to get some MIB suits and some MIB glasses... fuck it just everything they had in the movie.

And of course now I'm online, and, you guessed it, looking for Men in Black info. Well, as the Hawaiins would say, Aloha!

2002-07-20T23:43:00.000-04:00

Today kicked ass man... er woman, don't think I'm sexist. Anyhoo, I'm at my Mom's so today we went out "bummin'" as my Mom calls it. We went to this Goodwill and I found this NES (Nintendo Entertainment System, Nintendo's first crack at a home console, for you dumbasses who don't know) game with Super Mario Bros. and Duck Hunt on the same cartridge for 2 bucks. I haven't found a working one yet and when I get back to my Dad's, I can test it out on one of my NES's. Oh and I found a calculator, Texas Instruments TI-30 calculator. If anyone knows anything about Star Wars, you know these puppies have a bubble display. Well, on Luke Skywalker's first lightsaber, for a "On" switch, they put a bubble display from one of these old calculators. ANYHOO that's about the only reason I got it. lol. Well it's actually a cool calculator, and in the event I feel the need to make a Luke Skywalker ANH lightsaber... I'll be all set.

Oh uh if it matters somewhere before Goodwill, I had some chalupas at Taco Bell. Those are the best I swear.

Sometime after Goodwill, we went to this other Goodwill (my Mom likes antiques...). But thank goodness there was a second hand video game store right next door. Man I was saved. Lucky I had my Pikmin GCN game in the van. So I went in the place, picked out Sonic Adventure Battle 2 for the NGC, and traded, with a small 3.99 trade fee.

Then, to top it off I saw a good movie called "Domestic Disturbance." I was surprised that I liked it. But John Travolta was in it so that probably helped. It made my heart pump. If anyone knows what kinda movie this is called (drama? action? what?) , e-mail me at:
bfhuntermi@att.net

So now I'm online surfing the net. It's not so fun when you dont have your usual board (your usual computer and favorite sites stored on it).

Tomorrow we're supposed to go see Men in Black 2. Looks good... but the one big monster in the city? If that's what the movie's based around... the makers of the movie wern't too creative. Hmm... can you say Godzilla, King Kong, and a million other Xeroxes? Oh well, I guess there's nothin else better that I haven't seen yet.

GAME OVER
Continue <---
Quit

2002-07-19T01:06:00.000-04:00

Top of the mornin' to ya! Yesterday, Thursday, was absolutely action packed. I ate food, and watched a movie. It was even better than a low budget independent film. Not really but it wasn't too fun.

Well I did watch Full Metal Jacket, and the first 45 minutes were really funny. Drill Sargeant (sp?) Hartman was hilarious, constantly cussing at the new boot camp guys. If you haven't seen it and you're bored, go and rent it. Keyword, you gotta be bored lol.

Oh and I started watching Jaws, but 45 minutes into it I fell asleep. Not out of boredom, I liked the movie, I was just tired. Maybe I'll watch it later today.

Uhm yeah so today, Friday, I'm goin to my Mom's house. I have no clue what we're gonna do there... we WERE gonna go to Michigan's Adventure but then my stupid ass had to fall and injure my God damn elbows! I can always imagine I'm riding the roller coasters... yeah right.

Hmm... I think I'm getting a fuzzy of the future.... I see T. J. sitting on his ass all weekend and playing video games. Well I don't believe in fate so fuck that. I'm gonna have to do something productive. Only time will tell.

Until next time...

2002-07-17T16:55:00.000-04:00

Well I'll tell ya, nobody screws T. J. like T. J.. Yesterday at around... 19:30 hours (7:30 PM) I was outside playin' this hide and go seek sorta game with my dogs. Well I was running to get them to chase me, and I had to go over this chopped up wood that was all over the ground. Well on the very last piece of wood, I tripped, and fell pretty damn fast, but I used my arms to catch me. It is hard to describe how I fell... here, imagine this as a human, and it's me falling straight down > I_o_I <(back of my head, but the I arms are goin straight down) A few hours after that, and I went to the emergency room to get xrays and stuff. God and I was so thankful, the doctor guy he was so nice. He was just one of the really cool people who liked their job and cared about his pateints.

Anyhoo, doc says that it should heal within 4-6 weeks. What is screwing me is that I'm in the driving portion of drivers education, and plus this weekend, we were gonna go to Michigan's Adventure (a amusement park here in Michigan... with roller coasters, a water park... shit now I'm drooling). Well so much for that.

The pain is only in my elbow, but I only have, at max, a 20 degree range of motion with my elbow joint. My hands and shoulders are in good shape, it's just the elbow that is F'd up. Also, there's possible fluid sittin in there but that'll go away in time. As for activity restriction, I can barely eat, well I cant even put my glasses on. The closest my hand can get to my face is about 7 or maybe 8 inches. But I am definately thankful that I can still wipe my ass, and even type a bit. That's all that matters. lol

So today was action packed with waiting at two doctor's offices, and as luck has it, I also had a freakin dentist checkup appointment. Joy. Well my Dad and I went out and rented Jaws and Full Metal Jacket. At least I'll have something to watch, plus I've never seen either of those movies before (surprisingly). Oh, and this is funny, when I walk, I swear I look like C3-P0. That's the only comfortable way I can hold my arms.

"Is there some higher force at work here? I mean, am I askin' too much of life?" Fred Ward as Earl Basset in "Tremors"

2002-07-16T14:48:00.000-04:00

Why don't we put all the hair from those leg hair removal products on bald people's heads?

So far today, I went driving at 10, and after that I had to go into Battle Creek with my stepmom cause she was in a hurry. But I was lucky enough to get to go to Taco Bell. Those chalupas sure are tasty. I want to brush up on some new computer stuff today and maybe... just maybe organize my room.

More at 11

2002-07-16T00:21:00.000-04:00

According to the Bible, in the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth. Well, I couldn't quite match that so I made a blog.
Stay tuned for more exciting action and adventure in: "T. J.'s life"!!!
To be continued...

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, e-mail me at:
bfhuntermi@att.net

True Creativity

I'm a shy, sensitive punk rocker, the most artistic of them all. I'm Kurt Cobain! Click here to find out which Nirvana grunge rocker you are!

You are Magic Mushrooms!

Your Inner Sex Gender: Woman

I'm a shy, sensitive punk rocker, the most artistic of them all. I'm Kurt Cobain!
Click here to find out which Nirvana grunge rocker you are!